Two Words For Every Situation
As a ten-year-old, I thought I didn’t know how to accept compliments. When people would praise my performance after I participated in church or played in a piano recital, I had this vague feeling that I needed to find a response that was simultaneously self-deprecating and brilliant. Quite a tall order for a 10-year-old.
It wasn’t long (since I was moderately competent and surrounded by nice people) before someone told me, “You did such a great job on your Sunday School talk last week.” I had my line prepared, but in that split second, I realized that “It was just putting two and two together” was going to sound ridiculous coming out of this ten-year-old’s mouth. I’d have to dumb it down somehow, and I only had half a moment to figure out how.
I blurted out, “Oh, it was easy.” Self-deprecating? Brilliant? It was a complete fail on both counts. Everyone around me winced. After that, I decided it was safer to stick with the simple phrase my mother taught me: Thank you.
I have come to the conclusion that thank you is the most versatile phrase in the English language. Besides its obvious use when someone passes you the beans at the dinner table, or hands you your receipt at the supermarket till, it comes in handy in so many other situations.
For starters, you can use it to acknowledge a compliment without tying yourself into knots trying to minimize your own performance without actually contradicting the complementor. A complement is a gift and should be acknowledged as such.
Heck, even if they were inwardly seething at my perpetual tardiness, it might have inspired a little more patience. Which leads me to another use of the phrase: to diffuse tension. When my anxious poodle peed all over the groomer’s table, I’m sorry and thank you were both in order: “I’m sorry you had to clean up that mess,” and “Thank you for giving him a great haircut anyway.”
Speaking of hypocrisy, thank you can be equally useful when you aren’t feeling particularly thankful. When your too-helpful child comes to you to tattletale, “Johnny ate a cookie before dinner,” or your too-helpful neighbor suggests “A good pesticide would get rid of those dandelions in your lawn, which by the way could benefit from more frequent watering,” keep your eye-rolling to yourself and just say, “Thank you.” End of conversation.
In 2012, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints built a temple in my city of Calgary. It was opened to the public before it was officially dedicated, and I was privileged to assist in guiding some groups through that beautiful building. One of the groups we hosted had come from a different Christian denomination than ours. They listened respectfully through the tour, but when it was over, one of them declared, “It’s a beautiful building, but . . . “ and proceeded to express - respectfully - her differing beliefs on what was necessary to obtain salvation. It was a situation that could have devolved into an argument and destroyed the peace that we were all feeling. Instead, God’s Spirit washed over me with a great feeling of love for these individuals and appreciation for their sincerity. I said, “Thank you for sharing your beliefs with us,” and meant it, and we all went away feeling better for the experience.
I looked straight into my cousin’s eyes and said a heart-felt, “Thank you.” He responded just as emphatically, “You’re welcome.” and the matter was closed.
In my thirties, I got some unusual praise from a close friend: “Annette, you are really good at accepting compliments. You don’t make a fuss or put yourself down.” And I said “Thank you.”