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Dying Inside
How do you feel when you can’t protect your child? You die inside.
In the midst of all my anxiety and grief, there was a morning, April 11, when “I woke up and realized how very well I feel for being seven weeks pregnant.” I struggled with that realization, vacillating between panic and peace, for two weeks before my next scheduled doctor visit. Over and over, I relieved the day I had my D&E.
Loila
My heart remembers.
Eight days after my unexpected breakdown, on October 31st, I had some light bleeding - never a good sign when you’re pregnant. I spent the day lying on the couch. It’s torment to find yourself on the brink of catastrophe with nothing you can do to prevent or prepare. Paradoxically, the only “action” I could come up with to meet this emergency was to rest: ironically, I would soon learn that it was weeks too late for any preventative action.
Between 2005 and 2008, I lost four tiny babies to miscarriage. In an effort to help others who may be experiencing similar losses, I want to share the story of that journey. If you click on the title above, and then follow the “Next in Miscarriage Journey” links at the bottom of each post, you can read through my story sequentially.